just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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