It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
