just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
