Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
