I wish my penis had an off switch
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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