@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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