I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Randomize