dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
