i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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