my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
