I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Randomize
