The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
