your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize