Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize