Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Randomize
