I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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