I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
