i permit you to call me
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
