Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We don't watch enough power rangers
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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