She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
