What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
