Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
