So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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