anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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