He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
