I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
My breasts were aching with rage.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
