Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
