We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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