his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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