Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
