People in love make me want to vomit
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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