So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
The police scanner is talking about you again....
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize