im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
