remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
