then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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