My girlfriend figured out who you are.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
