would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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