Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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