Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Send help, water and tortillas.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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