watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
