OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
