You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
