everyone is single if you try hard enough
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
