It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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