hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize