i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
