So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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