hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
