your thong is hanging out like whoa
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
