I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
