literally had 100 drinks last night.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
