I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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