its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
