so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
