bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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