He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
