This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
