I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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