What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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