Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
