im about as happy as oj after his trial
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
