im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
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