i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
