Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Let's get the cat blown out
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
