I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize