I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
