Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
