ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
