So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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