i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
