FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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