Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
P.S. I can't hear my feet
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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