Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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