Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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