really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
