Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Small penises have feelings too.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
