Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
