Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
